Let’s say you just came into a lot of money and want the best of everything. You enjoy your Starbucks coffee, and now $3-4 for a cup of coffee there makes no dent on your colossal fortune at all. Money isn’t an object anymore, and you want the best. You want to splurge for really, really, good coffee.
What to buy?
The Two Categories.
There’s two major choices for expensive coffee, and your choice is really a gut decision – literally.
Pooped Coffee or Non-Pooped Coffee?
Nobody said being rich was easy – big decisions are required.
The choice here seems obvious, but it’s not. The coffee Illuminati has discovered that coffee beans that pass through the digestive systems of certain animals is super-good because there are enzymes in the digestive tracts of the animals that ferment the beans, thus bringing out the sweetness of the bean and reducing the acidity.
If you choose to go the pooped coffee route, further choices require choosing which animal you want to have processing your coffee. Choices include the feral Indonesian civet (the classic choice), Formosan Rock Monkeys from Taiwan, Jacu Birds from Brazil, or Elephants. You can read more about these individual coffees on a previous blog post here.
The pooped coffee you want is the Elephant Dung coffee. It costs $70 for enough to make 5-6 cups of espresso, which translates to about $550/lb. Unfortunately, Elephant Dung coffee is only sold at a few Asian luxury hotels and one store in Texas.
If you have a hard time finding the Elephant Dung coffee to buy, don’t scoff at the Civit coffee – known as Kopi Luwak. Your guests will still be impressed. It goes for about $320/lb. Be careful – there is some counterfeit Kopi Luwak out there.
Non-Pooped (Regular) Coffee
(“Regular” and “Non-Pooped” seems like an oxymoron, but in this case it’s correct.)
Let’s say, for whatever reason, you want coffee beans that have not been “processed” – just like you like steak that has not been “pre-chewed.” Then some good old Hacienda La Esmeralda coffee from Panama is for you. It’s got the credentials – Hacienda La Esmeralda is a multi-year first place award winner in the Specialty Coffee Association of America Roasters Guild, which means the coffee is highly sought after and the small quantities produced sell for high prices at coffee auctions. At the 2013 Best of Panama Auction, the coffee sold for $350.25/pound. Much of the coffee is bought by Asians, but it can be found in the United States.
So, now, if we could just feed some Hacienda La Esmeralda to an elephant.
All photos licensed by CC-BY-2.0.